GRAND HAVEN, MI — A Grand Haven man has announced plans to dedicate his entire Saturday to moving thousands of leaves approximately 14 feet across his property, an ambitious undertaking that meteorologists expect will be completely reversed by Sunday morning.
Richard Bellinger, 57, has spent much of Friday preparing for the operation, which will involve two leaf blowers, a rake, 37 lawn bags and an increasingly fragile sense of purpose.
“I’ve got a system,” Bellinger explained, studying a hand-drawn diagram of his backyard. “You start along the fence, work toward the driveway, and then you get the ones that blew back over from the fence.”
Asked whether those were the same leaves he had moved earlier, Bellinger declined to comment.
The project is scheduled to begin at 7:15 a.m., roughly 45 minutes before his neighbors had planned to wake up.
Bellinger estimates the operation will take approximately six hours, assuming favorable wind conditions, no equipment failures and minimal interference from the large maple tree that continues producing leaves directly above him.
“That son of a bitch has been dropping leaves for three weeks,” Bellinger said, pointing toward the tree. “And there’s still more up there.”
The Ledger’s Department of Seasonal Futility has reviewed the project and determined that Bellinger will likely relocate an estimated 80,000 leaves from one section of his property to another, where they will remain until a moderate breeze returns them to their original positions.
“This is essentially a six-hour effort to temporarily rearrange nature,” said department director Harold Whitcomb. “It’s the landscaping equivalent of trying to empty Lake Michigan with a coffee mug.”
Despite the questionable return on investment, Bellinger remains committed.
His wife, Susan, has reportedly suggested waiting another week until more leaves have fallen, an idea Bellinger dismissed as “not understanding how this works.”
When asked to explain how it works, Bellinger responded by starting his leaf blower.
Neighbors are preparing for the annual event by closing their windows, increasing television volume and accepting that Saturday morning will once again sound like a regional airport.
The project is expected to conclude around 2 p.m., when Bellinger will stand in his driveway, hands on hips, admiring a lawn that looks almost exactly like it did before he started.
Weather permitting, he may even take a photograph.
By Sunday, forecasters expect winds to redistribute the leaves throughout the property, including several areas Bellinger has not yet considered.
Bellinger has already scheduled a follow-up operation for next Saturday.
“It’s just something you’ve gotta stay on top of,” he said.
The tree declined to comment.
