Boardwalk Adds Another Ice Cream Shop to Diversify from Coffee Shops

In a bold move to “shake up the waterfront experience,” city officials confirmed this week that the Grand Haven boardwalk will soon welcome its 19th ice cream shop – a decision meant to provide variety for visitors weary of choosing between coffee and slightly different coffee.

“We’ve heard the people loud and clear,” said Boardwalk Development Coordinator Mark Phillips at a ribbon-cutting ceremony. “For too long, residents have had to make the agonizing choice between an iced mocha or a caramel latte. By adding another ice cream shop, we’re proud to give them the option of ordering a vanilla cone while standing directly across from a place selling iced vanilla lattes.”

The shop, called Lake Licks Creamery, will feature 48 flavors of ice cream, 47 of which already exist within a three-block radius.

Local business owners applauded the expansion, noting the delicate balance between coffee saturation and ice cream saturation is what makes Grand Haven a world-class destination.

“Tourists don’t come here to look at the lake,” said Diane Monroe, owner of a competing fudge-and-coffee-and-ice-cream hybrid shop. “They come here to make impossible dessert decisions until they’re crying into a waffle cone. That’s our brand.”

Tourists, meanwhile, welcomed the news with cautious optimism.

“I just wish there were more places to get pizza by the slice too,” said Nick Sanders, 29, visiting from Toledo. “I had to walk almost 40 feet the other day before finding one. Totally unacceptable.”

Economists warn that the cycle of opening ice cream and coffee shops to “balance” each other could eventually spiral out of control, with projections showing a possible 1:1 ratio of shops to residents by 2030.

Still, city leaders remain confident.

“If this doesn’t work out,” Phillips said, “we’ll just approve another candle store. Nobody ever complains about those.”